Choosing the Right Girl

One of the women's main complaints is men's indecision. There are those that are waiting for a sign from heaven to finally choose a girl, those that are dating somebody only to see if she is the right one and those with years being a couple, but still don't decide to get married.

Dr Edwin Loius Cole used to teach: "Decision is the mark of a man."

I think that the problem resides on man's insecurity to make a wrong decision. "But, what if I choose wrong, if she isn't the right one?", they say. I think that that insecurity is based on the error of thinking that the whole relationship will be "a bed of roses", and that's why married men assume that the reason of their marital problems that they'll go through is because they chose wrong, which takes them to the logical solution of getting separated, instead of to solve the problems together.

Remember that a great marriage is not found, but built.

Principles
God doesn't have to choose for your. You have to do it, and He'll bless your decision. Obviously, there are principles in His Word by which you have to make a decision, but the decision will always be yours.

The principle that I like the most is: do not be unequally yoked together (2 Corinthias 6:14), because it doesn't refer only to not yoke together with somebody that doesn't believe in God (because of the conflicts that'll come for it), but not to yoke together neither with somebody that doesn't share the same vision and call, because you'll get frustrated for not getting the support you'll need.

Other principles are: Learn to work first (Genesis 1:18-22, before God brought Eve to Adam, He first made him work), seek for your leaders consent (Hebrews 13:17).

When you make a decision according to the principles that our Heavenly Father gives, that decision is already according to His will. You don't need to ask Him if He agrees or not because you're already doing it according to His will.

For example, when God told Joshua to take the promised land, He gave him limits in which Joshua had to conquer (Joshua 1:4). Joshua didn't have to be asking God if it was His will or not to attack any city, because His will was already given.

The same happened to Paul. He knew that God called him to preach to the non-Jewish people, so that's why we don't find record of Paul praying to know if it was God's will to preach in Corinths, Ephesus or Thessaloniki, because he knew he was doing His will.

Recommendation
We recommend in church to have long friendship time, a short period of engagement and marriage for all your life. When we say long friendship time, we mean that the guy has to choose a girl among his friends, where they both had already the chance to know each other and to be authentic. The problem is that many guys think that long friendship time means to wait for a new girl sent by God and first to seek intentionally to be her friend in order to get to know each other. That's when he starts dating someone he didn't even know. If you do that, it's almost for sure that you won't be authentic in that process of being friends, but you'll feigning to impress and, sooner or later, the mask will fall.

If you are single, choose somebody among your friends, that loves God like you, that is serving like you, that wants the same as you. Go and ask your leaders or pastors what they think, and then, go ahead and win her heart, and decide to love that woman. Start that relationship with confidence and boldness knowing that your heavenly Father is blessing that relationship because you are doing it according to His principles.

Hope it helps!

One Way to Curse your Children

About one year ago, I told my son Juan Esteban (he was 8 years old): "Don't be lazy!", because he didn't want to clean his room, but in that moment I felt that I was saying to him that he was lazy, and he should stop being that. I realized that the words "don't be lazy" had the same meaning as "you are lazy, stop being that."

As a father, I felt so bad because I was telling my son he was lazy, therefore, he was going to behave as he was. Without realizing, I was cursing him, bonding his life to a certain behavior.

I am sure that it was my Heavenly Father the One that put in my heart to stop talking to my two kids in that way (because I also talked to my son Juan Pablo in that way), and to start analyzing the way I was talking to them, which I supposed it was the right way because I've never insulted them, I've never despised them, I've never told them that they can't, etc.

From that moment on I replaced the words "don't be lazy" by "don't behave as if you were lazy, because you are not. You are disciplined". I replaced the words "don't be bad" by "do not behave as if you were bad, because you are not. You are good," and sometimes I add: "and indeed, you are very good" 😀. I replaced the words "don't be filthy" by "do not behave as if you were filthy, because you aren't. You are clean."

That wrong way to say things was part of me in such a way that I kept doing it out of habit, but I corrected myself immediately. I've also explained this to my boys, so that in the case I spoke to them in that way again, they may know that I was the one that was wrong, and that they are not what I said. There were times they corrected me, and I was so happy to accept that correction!

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you those wrong ways to say things that are part of you, in which you might be cursing your children without realizing. May your mouth be a spring of blessing from which they may constantly drink!

I really hope this helped you!