Talking to your Kids about Sex

I knew about where the babies came from when I was eleven by a "friend" from school who assumed that I already knew. I've never received an advice about this by my parents, not because they were bad, but because, I guess, the lack of awareness of the responsibility of teaching about sex to their children, and I also guess that was a consequence of their parents hadn't done it to them either.

I struggled many years with pornography and I think that this lack of guidance was one of the main reasons for that. This lack of guidance and its consequences were restored by my heavenly Father through His family, the church, my Camino de Vida, because there I found freedom, restoration, grace and the guidance I needed.

Now, as a father, I don't want my boys to go through the same, but I want to be that guide which I know they'll need, I want to build up trust so they may come to me when they have doubts or go through some problem about sex, I want them to have the confidence that they can tell me anything because they'll know that they won't stop being accepted, that there will be no anger, recrimination, guilt nor shame, but instead they'll find love, understanding, acceptance, guidance and, if there is any problem, we will find a solution together.

When to talk to them about sex
Then the question came: "When do I talk to them about sex?" The answer was revealed by heavenly Father Himself because it was in prayer that I sensed Him telling me that it is already the time to do it. That was in October 2016. I talked to my wife and we agreed that I'd do it after a trip we had planned for Christmas and New Year, and that I'd do it only with Juan Esteban who was 8 at that time. The same plan is now for Juan Pablo who just turned 8, I'll be talking to him after we come back from a trip for Christmas.

How to talk to them about sex
After my wife and me agreed, I told Juan Esteban that in January, when we're back from vacations, I'd have a very important conversation with him, only him and me, that we'd go out together, to the movies, to eat, and that there I'll tell him. I told him that maybe it'll be one of the most important things that I have to tell him. Juan Esteban was very expectant.

I prayed a lot for Jesus to guide my words so that the message is correctly received.

When the day came, we were eating an ice cream. I felt that the focus of the conversation had to be love and marriage, that that is the right place for sex to be healthy developed and in its fullness.

I explained it to him with my testimony about how his mom and I met, that we were friends for more that ten years before we married, that we loved Jesus and the church, that both of us met as friends in the youth meetings, that we served in the church, that our focus wasn't the other person, but Jesus, that when I came back to Peru from abroad I decided to fall in love with her and conquer her, and she accepted me (after much work, I must say 😀), that both of us wanted to do the same things for Jesus, that we had the same dreams, that we promised to loved each other for all our lives, that he and his brother are fruit of that love, that we prayed for him and for his brother even before they were born; in other words, I drew a picture so detailed in order to illustrate the right place where sex has to be developed: love and marriage.

I think that if we talked for 30 minutes, 25 minutes were about love and 5 about the sexual act. I wanted that the message of where sex belongs to be very clear.

Why to talk to them about sex at that early age
Your children are going to know about sex either by you or by someone else, and if it is by someone else, it's almost for sure that they'll know earlier that you think and they won't receive the right message.

As I said, I knew about sex when I was 11 and, according to my friend, I knew it late. Keep in mind that the access to pornography isn't that easy as it was 30 years ago. The devil is after our children, that's why I think that the best way to keep them away from his false and distorted message about sex is that when this  message comes to my boy's mind run into a fully-built, well-founded, almost-impossible-to-destroy fortress, which will be the truth of our heavenly Father about sex.

Proverbs 22:6 says that if we train up a child in God's way, the child will still be in that way even when he/she is old. But the same happens is we train up the child in any other religion or belief, even it happens the same with the habits we instill them when they're little ones, what they learn since that early age, normally stay with them for the rest of their lives. It happens the same with teaching them God's truth about sex.

That's why that when I talked to Juan Esteban about sex I talked to him so much about the frame of love and marriage which sex has to develop in, so that when a different idea comes along, it won't be accepted.

Otherwise, if I don't talk to my kids about sex, as I said, others will do it, and when I finally decide to do it, it might be too late, because the truth of God that I want to teach will be the one that run into a fully-built, well-founded, almost-impossible-to-destroy fortress, but this fortress is gonna be made out of just lies. My kids will possibly think that I am old-fashioned and fanatic, because those lies will have taken possession of their minds, all because I didn't talk to them at the appropriate time.

Take the responsibility of talking to your kids about sex
Don't think that the church or the school has the responsibility of talking to your kids about sex. If you don't take that responsibility, the devil will do it for you. Remember, he is after your kids, his focus is to get them since they're young, and he is already lie in wait. There are already schools wherein play "sexual education" videos to 8 years old kids wherein they're taught how to have sexual intercourse, because the devil wants to get their minds from very young. The devil wants also to teach his evil ways from that early age so that when they are old, they'll still be in those ways! I won't let that happen to my boys! Will you?

Don't run from that responsibility. Pray for wisdom so that your heavenly Father shows you the best way to talk to them. It doesn't have to be like I did because we all are different. Your Father will give you the exactly and most appropriate way for them. Remember, He loves them more than you do and is more interested than you in that the right message about sex come to their hearts.

Pray for your kids. Talk to them. Be the guide they will certainly need.

Hope this helped you!

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For more teachings and advices for parents, visit the following links:

• One Way to Curse your Children: Without knowing, many times I've been cursing my kids with my words. Don't fall in the same mistake!
• Do not Turn Off your Kids Imagination: When my kids play, they leave a mess, and I learnt that it is more important for me to be interested in what there was in their minds than to make them to clean everything up.
• The Power that Jesus gave to my Son: A testimony about how my Juan Esteban was set free from nightmares.
• The Honor to be a Father or Mother: Learn that more than the titles and achievements you can get, to be a father or mother is a great privilege and responsibility.

Do not Turn Off your Kid's Imagination

Many times, as a father, I've focused more on "the orden and neatness" of my kids than others more important things, such as, their imagination. Order has to be at the service of imagination and not in the other way around, because imagination gives you the goal, and order helps you to get there. When I realize this, I felt so bad as a father, because it was like I gave them a car, but they don't have a place to go, and that, in time, make the order becomes a goal in itself.

The picture illustrates perfectly this message. I recognize that a "go-order-your-room!" still comes out of my mouth before I ask them what there was in their imagination. Thanks be to my lovely Father for His grace because I really need it!, because He reminds me not only to ask them first for what they were imagining, but also makes me to be interested in what they are telling me: in the galactic war that took place in their room, in the martial tournament with new characters, in that aventure with a superhero, etc., so that they may grow with the confidence of what they imagine isn't nonsense.

AND AT THE END, after making sure that what was in their mind was important, I help them to form one of the tools that will help them in the future to materialize their imagination: order.

Our kids have a great imagination. Let us not turn it off! That imagination will turn into dreams and goals, which will make their lives to make sense and they'll feel fulfilled as persons. Our job as parents, is to give them the tools that will help them to reach those dreams that our heavenly Father will put in their hearts!

"Imagination is the preview of life's coming attractions" 

"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination" 

"Imagination is more important that knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world" 

Albert Einstein

Hope it helps! 

"Are you crying just for that?!" - An advice for parents

How many of us, parents, have ever told our kids: "You cry just for that!"? Big mistake! Do you know what we're actually telling them? We're telling them: "The reason you're crying for is nonsense", and worse: "what is important to you isn't to me".

If you've been telling that to your kids, this is what you have to do:
- Tell them you are sorry for doing that. Tell them: "Son/daughter, forgive me because so many times I looked down on what is important to you".
- Promise them that you'll try to change. Tell them: "I promise you to consider as much important the things you tell me as they are to you".
- Ask for help to your heavenly Father to change that as soon as possible.

As parents of little children, we are in danger that if we don't change, they will grow with the idea that their problems aren't important, that they shouldn't bother us with their nonsense, that they aren't as much important as us, and consequently, they'll unconsciously seek to feel important in other places and ways, and many times it'll be with people that will demand from them something in return.

How does our good and loving heavenly Father treat us? Have you ever read in His Word something that says or suggest that what is important to us isn't important for Him? Have you ever felt looked down by Him? Have you ever felt when you cried out to Him for help that He says to you: "Are you crying just for that! Seriously?"?

On the contrary, He cries when we cry, He gets happy when we get happy, He is familiar with our pain, and in His Word says that He has even numbered the hair of our head (Matthew 10:30), and if He pays attention to that, something that isn't important, how much more attention will He pay to something that it is actually important to us, to what makes us cry, to what keep us awake at night! So, when we go to Him burdened by something, He will NEVER tell us: ""Are you crying for that! Seriously?", but He'll hug us, comfort us and guide us by the hand to the answer that He'd already prepared.

If there is somebody authorized to despised any of our issues, that'd be God, because for Him there is nothing impossible. But our Father, far from doing that, understands us perfectly.

So then, if you've been despising your children's problems, run to your heavenly Father, because He won't condemn you for doing that, but hug you, comfort you and guide you by the hand to the solution that He'd already prepared.

Hope it helps!