Talking to your Kids about Sex

I knew about where the babies came from when I was eleven by a "friend" from school who assumed that I already knew. I've never received an advice about this by my parents, not because they were bad, but because, I guess, the lack of awareness of the responsibility of teaching about sex to their children, and I also guess that was a consequence of their parents hadn't done it to them either.

I struggled many years with pornography and I think that this lack of guidance was one of the main reasons for that. This lack of guidance and its consequences were restored by my heavenly Father through His family, the church, my Camino de Vida, because there I found freedom, restoration, grace and the guidance I needed.

Now, as a father, I don't want my boys to go through the same, but I want to be that guide which I know they'll need, I want to build up trust so they may come to me when they have doubts or go through some problem about sex, I want them to have the confidence that they can tell me anything because they'll know that they won't stop being accepted, that there will be no anger, recrimination, guilt nor shame, but instead they'll find love, understanding, acceptance, guidance and, if there is any problem, we will find a solution together.

When to talk to them about sex
Then the question came: "When do I talk to them about sex?" The answer was revealed by heavenly Father Himself because it was in prayer that I sensed Him telling me that it is already the time to do it. That was in October 2016. I talked to my wife and we agreed that I'd do it after a trip we had planned for Christmas and New Year, and that I'd do it only with Juan Esteban who was 8 at that time. The same plan is now for Juan Pablo who just turned 8, I'll be talking to him after we come back from a trip for Christmas.

How to talk to them about sex
After my wife and me agreed, I told Juan Esteban that in January, when we're back from vacations, I'd have a very important conversation with him, only him and me, that we'd go out together, to the movies, to eat, and that there I'll tell him. I told him that maybe it'll be one of the most important things that I have to tell him. Juan Esteban was very expectant.

I prayed a lot for Jesus to guide my words so that the message is correctly received.

When the day came, we were eating an ice cream. I felt that the focus of the conversation had to be love and marriage, that that is the right place for sex to be healthy developed and in its fullness.

I explained it to him with my testimony about how his mom and I met, that we were friends for more that ten years before we married, that we loved Jesus and the church, that both of us met as friends in the youth meetings, that we served in the church, that our focus wasn't the other person, but Jesus, that when I came back to Peru from abroad I decided to fall in love with her and conquer her, and she accepted me (after much work, I must say 😀), that both of us wanted to do the same things for Jesus, that we had the same dreams, that we promised to loved each other for all our lives, that he and his brother are fruit of that love, that we prayed for him and for his brother even before they were born; in other words, I drew a picture so detailed in order to illustrate the right place where sex has to be developed: love and marriage.

I think that if we talked for 30 minutes, 25 minutes were about love and 5 about the sexual act. I wanted that the message of where sex belongs to be very clear.

Why to talk to them about sex at that early age
Your children are going to know about sex either by you or by someone else, and if it is by someone else, it's almost for sure that they'll know earlier that you think and they won't receive the right message.

As I said, I knew about sex when I was 11 and, according to my friend, I knew it late. Keep in mind that the access to pornography isn't that easy as it was 30 years ago. The devil is after our children, that's why I think that the best way to keep them away from his false and distorted message about sex is that when this  message comes to my boy's mind run into a fully-built, well-founded, almost-impossible-to-destroy fortress, which will be the truth of our heavenly Father about sex.

Proverbs 22:6 says that if we train up a child in God's way, the child will still be in that way even when he/she is old. But the same happens is we train up the child in any other religion or belief, even it happens the same with the habits we instill them when they're little ones, what they learn since that early age, normally stay with them for the rest of their lives. It happens the same with teaching them God's truth about sex.

That's why that when I talked to Juan Esteban about sex I talked to him so much about the frame of love and marriage which sex has to develop in, so that when a different idea comes along, it won't be accepted.

Otherwise, if I don't talk to my kids about sex, as I said, others will do it, and when I finally decide to do it, it might be too late, because the truth of God that I want to teach will be the one that run into a fully-built, well-founded, almost-impossible-to-destroy fortress, but this fortress is gonna be made out of just lies. My kids will possibly think that I am old-fashioned and fanatic, because those lies will have taken possession of their minds, all because I didn't talk to them at the appropriate time.

Take the responsibility of talking to your kids about sex
Don't think that the church or the school has the responsibility of talking to your kids about sex. If you don't take that responsibility, the devil will do it for you. Remember, he is after your kids, his focus is to get them since they're young, and he is already lie in wait. There are already schools wherein play "sexual education" videos to 8 years old kids wherein they're taught how to have sexual intercourse, because the devil wants to get their minds from very young. The devil wants also to teach his evil ways from that early age so that when they are old, they'll still be in those ways! I won't let that happen to my boys! Will you?

Don't run from that responsibility. Pray for wisdom so that your heavenly Father shows you the best way to talk to them. It doesn't have to be like I did because we all are different. Your Father will give you the exactly and most appropriate way for them. Remember, He loves them more than you do and is more interested than you in that the right message about sex come to their hearts.

Pray for your kids. Talk to them. Be the guide they will certainly need.

Hope this helped you!

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For more teachings and advices for parents, visit the following links:

• One Way to Curse your Children: Without knowing, many times I've been cursing my kids with my words. Don't fall in the same mistake!
• Do not Turn Off your Kids Imagination: When my kids play, they leave a mess, and I learnt that it is more important for me to be interested in what there was in their minds than to make them to clean everything up.
• The Power that Jesus gave to my Son: A testimony about how my Juan Esteban was set free from nightmares.
• The Honor to be a Father or Mother: Learn that more than the titles and achievements you can get, to be a father or mother is a great privilege and responsibility.

Do not Turn Off your Kid's Imagination

Many times, as a father, I've focused more on "the orden and neatness" of my kids than others more important things, such as, their imagination. Order has to be at the service of imagination and not in the other way around, because imagination gives you the goal, and order helps you to get there. When I realize this, I felt so bad as a father, because it was like I gave them a car, but they don't have a place to go, and that, in time, make the order becomes a goal in itself.

The picture illustrates perfectly this message. I recognize that a "go-order-your-room!" still comes out of my mouth before I ask them what there was in their imagination. Thanks be to my lovely Father for His grace because I really need it!, because He reminds me not only to ask them first for what they were imagining, but also makes me to be interested in what they are telling me: in the galactic war that took place in their room, in the martial tournament with new characters, in that aventure with a superhero, etc., so that they may grow with the confidence of what they imagine isn't nonsense.

AND AT THE END, after making sure that what was in their mind was important, I help them to form one of the tools that will help them in the future to materialize their imagination: order.

Our kids have a great imagination. Let us not turn it off! That imagination will turn into dreams and goals, which will make their lives to make sense and they'll feel fulfilled as persons. Our job as parents, is to give them the tools that will help them to reach those dreams that our heavenly Father will put in their hearts!

"Imagination is the preview of life's coming attractions" 

"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination" 

"Imagination is more important that knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world" 

Albert Einstein

Hope it helps! 

"Are you crying just for that?!" - An advice for parents

How many of us, parents, have ever told our kids: "You cry just for that!"? Big mistake! Do you know what we're actually telling them? We're telling them: "The reason you're crying for is nonsense", and worse: "what is important to you isn't to me".

If you've been telling that to your kids, this is what you have to do:
- Tell them you are sorry for doing that. Tell them: "Son/daughter, forgive me because so many times I looked down on what is important to you".
- Promise them that you'll try to change. Tell them: "I promise you to consider as much important the things you tell me as they are to you".
- Ask for help to your heavenly Father to change that as soon as possible.

As parents of little children, we are in danger that if we don't change, they will grow with the idea that their problems aren't important, that they shouldn't bother us with their nonsense, that they aren't as much important as us, and consequently, they'll unconsciously seek to feel important in other places and ways, and many times it'll be with people that will demand from them something in return.

How does our good and loving heavenly Father treat us? Have you ever read in His Word something that says or suggest that what is important to us isn't important for Him? Have you ever felt looked down by Him? Have you ever felt when you cried out to Him for help that He says to you: "Are you crying just for that! Seriously?"?

On the contrary, He cries when we cry, He gets happy when we get happy, He is familiar with our pain, and in His Word says that He has even numbered the hair of our head (Matthew 10:30), and if He pays attention to that, something that isn't important, how much more attention will He pay to something that it is actually important to us, to what makes us cry, to what keep us awake at night! So, when we go to Him burdened by something, He will NEVER tell us: ""Are you crying for that! Seriously?", but He'll hug us, comfort us and guide us by the hand to the answer that He'd already prepared.

If there is somebody authorized to despised any of our issues, that'd be God, because for Him there is nothing impossible. But our Father, far from doing that, understands us perfectly.

So then, if you've been despising your children's problems, run to your heavenly Father, because He won't condemn you for doing that, but hug you, comfort you and guide you by the hand to the solution that He'd already prepared.

Hope it helps!

Gadol's Nugget: His children's free will

One of the characteristics of Gadol, the main character of my book, was his over concern about his children. He was convinced that they'd want to serve God thanks to the perfect testimony he thought he had before them (actually, before everybody!), that's why it was a surprise for him that they, being adults already, told them that they didn't want to serve God.

Being concerned about what would be of them away from God, he decided to take responsibility of their spiritual lives. They, in order to not make a division in their family, were agree to his idea, but obviously, since no one can approach God by force, manipulated or by being deceived, Gadol's idea didn't work.

Where was Gadol mistaken? He didn't respect his children's free will. He didn't let God to work in them, but on the contrary, by meddling in their decisions, Gadol interrupted what God was doing in them.

Advice:
If you have children, YOU CAN NOT OBLIGATE THEM TO SERVE GOD. You just can, by your example, make them want to do it.
Until certain age, you can "obligate" them to go to church, but you have to have discernment to know when you have to stop obligating them (just in case, that age is normally 12, 13 o 14 year old more or less -  if he/she is 35 years old and you're still obligating him/her, you need counseling! 😀).
The best way will always be your own testimony. The fact that they see you happy, carefree, that when you run to God they see you come out different, that you changed many bad things in you, are things that your children will see in spite of their age, and that will make them want to serve the same God you serve.

When my boys went through a hard time at school

When my Juan Esteban started the first grade, there were a few boys that bothered him. It's hard when your son tells you that he doesn't want to go to school anymore, and then you find out that other kids were bothering him because he was skinny. The same happened to my Juan Pablo, but in his case kids bothered him because he was a little chubby. Other than talking to his parents and teachers, what else to do?

My wife and I prayed for our Heavenly Father's guidance so we may know what to do, and we felt that we should talk to them about their identity, and also that they should know that, unless in that age, kids don't do that with malice.

About their identity.
We told them that they aren't what other people say, but what their Father says, that He was the One that created them so He is the only One with the right of saying what they are, what they can do and what they have. We told them that they're sons of the Most High, that He loves them, that He will never leave them, and that they can claim to Him and He will answer them.

Kids don't do that with malice.
When they when through this, they were 6 years old. Our Heavenly Father made us understand that those kids didn't do it with malice, but they just copied it from somewhere else: family, TV, other kids, etc. So, we asked our boys: "Do you guys want your friends to feel bad because of you joke around with them, or you just do it for fun?" They answer: "We joke around with them just for fun, we don't want them to feel bad". Then we said to them that it is exactly the same when they joke around with you. And then, we added: "If it's a joke, then just laugh! Do not take those joke so serious! Laugh at yourself!"

Thank God that we know they took those words because we saw the results!

If you are going through something similar with your kids, do not react in your own strength, but rather seek your Heavenly Father's counsel!, because He'll give you the guide you need to overcome that situation.

I hope this helped you!

The Power that Jesus gave to my Son

When Juan Esteban was two years old often suffered from nightmares. My wife and I were so worried because we saw his little face full of fear when he cried and called us at nights.

One night, I run to his room because he was crying once again, and when he saw me, he hugged me, and then he was frightened as he pointed to one corner of the room. When my wife and I looked at that direction, we saw nothing, but it was obvious that he could see something.

We prayed for many weeks until one day we talked to him about the authority that Jesus has given to him. We could feel that Jesus was talking to him in that moment. We said to him: "Son, Jesus has defeated the devil, he has no power and no authority over you. You can kick him OUT of that place because you have the power of Jesus!"

To be honest, we didn't know how much he understood us until that night, because we didn't wake up anymore because was crying or because he called us, but because we heard him yelling: "Out! Out!" Our son, being only two years old, was kicking the devil out of that place.

(this picture is when he was two)

I am absolutely sure that the answer of our prayers for him was that we felt to talk to him about the authority and power that Jesus gave him. I would never thought to do that because by natural instinct I myself was to defend him, specially at that age, but I can see that my Heavenly Father, who loves him and takes care of him more than me, wanted to defend him Himself. Instead of Juan Esteban depends on me, my Heavenly Father wanted him to depend on Him.

Moral: Better than worrying to take care of your kids all the time, let's teach them that the Almighty One, the Creator of everything, is their Father and that He Himself defends them.

I really hope this may bless you!

One Way to Curse your Children

About one year ago, I told my son Juan Esteban (he was 8 years old): "Don't be lazy!", because he didn't want to clean his room, but in that moment I felt that I was saying to him that he was lazy, and he should stop being that. I realized that the words "don't be lazy" had the same meaning as "you are lazy, stop being that."

As a father, I felt so bad because I was telling my son he was lazy, therefore, he was going to behave as he was. Without realizing, I was cursing him, bonding his life to a certain behavior.

I am sure that it was my Heavenly Father the One that put in my heart to stop talking to my two kids in that way (because I also talked to my son Juan Pablo in that way), and to start analyzing the way I was talking to them, which I supposed it was the right way because I've never insulted them, I've never despised them, I've never told them that they can't, etc.

From that moment on I replaced the words "don't be lazy" by "don't behave as if you were lazy, because you are not. You are disciplined". I replaced the words "don't be bad" by "do not behave as if you were bad, because you are not. You are good," and sometimes I add: "and indeed, you are very good" 😀. I replaced the words "don't be filthy" by "do not behave as if you were filthy, because you aren't. You are clean."

That wrong way to say things was part of me in such a way that I kept doing it out of habit, but I corrected myself immediately. I've also explained this to my boys, so that in the case I spoke to them in that way again, they may know that I was the one that was wrong, and that they are not what I said. There were times they corrected me, and I was so happy to accept that correction!

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you those wrong ways to say things that are part of you, in which you might be cursing your children without realizing. May your mouth be a spring of blessing from which they may constantly drink!

I really hope this helped you!