Talking to your Kids about Sex

I knew about where the babies came from when I was eleven by a "friend" from school who assumed that I already knew. I've never received an advice about this by my parents, not because they were bad, but because, I guess, the lack of awareness of the responsibility of teaching about sex to their children, and I also guess that was a consequence of their parents hadn't done it to them either.

I struggled many years with pornography and I think that this lack of guidance was one of the main reasons for that. This lack of guidance and its consequences were restored by my heavenly Father through His family, the church, my Camino de Vida, because there I found freedom, restoration, grace and the guidance I needed.

Now, as a father, I don't want my boys to go through the same, but I want to be that guide which I know they'll need, I want to build up trust so they may come to me when they have doubts or go through some problem about sex, I want them to have the confidence that they can tell me anything because they'll know that they won't stop being accepted, that there will be no anger, recrimination, guilt nor shame, but instead they'll find love, understanding, acceptance, guidance and, if there is any problem, we will find a solution together.

When to talk to them about sex
Then the question came: "When do I talk to them about sex?" The answer was revealed by heavenly Father Himself because it was in prayer that I sensed Him telling me that it is already the time to do it. That was in October 2016. I talked to my wife and we agreed that I'd do it after a trip we had planned for Christmas and New Year, and that I'd do it only with Juan Esteban who was 8 at that time. The same plan is now for Juan Pablo who just turned 8, I'll be talking to him after we come back from a trip for Christmas.

How to talk to them about sex
After my wife and me agreed, I told Juan Esteban that in January, when we're back from vacations, I'd have a very important conversation with him, only him and me, that we'd go out together, to the movies, to eat, and that there I'll tell him. I told him that maybe it'll be one of the most important things that I have to tell him. Juan Esteban was very expectant.

I prayed a lot for Jesus to guide my words so that the message is correctly received.

When the day came, we were eating an ice cream. I felt that the focus of the conversation had to be love and marriage, that that is the right place for sex to be healthy developed and in its fullness.

I explained it to him with my testimony about how his mom and I met, that we were friends for more that ten years before we married, that we loved Jesus and the church, that both of us met as friends in the youth meetings, that we served in the church, that our focus wasn't the other person, but Jesus, that when I came back to Peru from abroad I decided to fall in love with her and conquer her, and she accepted me (after much work, I must say 😀), that both of us wanted to do the same things for Jesus, that we had the same dreams, that we promised to loved each other for all our lives, that he and his brother are fruit of that love, that we prayed for him and for his brother even before they were born; in other words, I drew a picture so detailed in order to illustrate the right place where sex has to be developed: love and marriage.

I think that if we talked for 30 minutes, 25 minutes were about love and 5 about the sexual act. I wanted that the message of where sex belongs to be very clear.

Why to talk to them about sex at that early age
Your children are going to know about sex either by you or by someone else, and if it is by someone else, it's almost for sure that they'll know earlier that you think and they won't receive the right message.

As I said, I knew about sex when I was 11 and, according to my friend, I knew it late. Keep in mind that the access to pornography isn't that easy as it was 30 years ago. The devil is after our children, that's why I think that the best way to keep them away from his false and distorted message about sex is that when this  message comes to my boy's mind run into a fully-built, well-founded, almost-impossible-to-destroy fortress, which will be the truth of our heavenly Father about sex.

Proverbs 22:6 says that if we train up a child in God's way, the child will still be in that way even when he/she is old. But the same happens is we train up the child in any other religion or belief, even it happens the same with the habits we instill them when they're little ones, what they learn since that early age, normally stay with them for the rest of their lives. It happens the same with teaching them God's truth about sex.

That's why that when I talked to Juan Esteban about sex I talked to him so much about the frame of love and marriage which sex has to develop in, so that when a different idea comes along, it won't be accepted.

Otherwise, if I don't talk to my kids about sex, as I said, others will do it, and when I finally decide to do it, it might be too late, because the truth of God that I want to teach will be the one that run into a fully-built, well-founded, almost-impossible-to-destroy fortress, but this fortress is gonna be made out of just lies. My kids will possibly think that I am old-fashioned and fanatic, because those lies will have taken possession of their minds, all because I didn't talk to them at the appropriate time.

Take the responsibility of talking to your kids about sex
Don't think that the church or the school has the responsibility of talking to your kids about sex. If you don't take that responsibility, the devil will do it for you. Remember, he is after your kids, his focus is to get them since they're young, and he is already lie in wait. There are already schools wherein play "sexual education" videos to 8 years old kids wherein they're taught how to have sexual intercourse, because the devil wants to get their minds from very young. The devil wants also to teach his evil ways from that early age so that when they are old, they'll still be in those ways! I won't let that happen to my boys! Will you?

Don't run from that responsibility. Pray for wisdom so that your heavenly Father shows you the best way to talk to them. It doesn't have to be like I did because we all are different. Your Father will give you the exactly and most appropriate way for them. Remember, He loves them more than you do and is more interested than you in that the right message about sex come to their hearts.

Pray for your kids. Talk to them. Be the guide they will certainly need.

Hope this helped you!

--------------------

For more teachings and advices for parents, visit the following links:

• One Way to Curse your Children: Without knowing, many times I've been cursing my kids with my words. Don't fall in the same mistake!
• Do not Turn Off your Kids Imagination: When my kids play, they leave a mess, and I learnt that it is more important for me to be interested in what there was in their minds than to make them to clean everything up.
• The Power that Jesus gave to my Son: A testimony about how my Juan Esteban was set free from nightmares.
• The Honor to be a Father or Mother: Learn that more than the titles and achievements you can get, to be a father or mother is a great privilege and responsibility.

Prayer III: Call Him Father!

The first word a child normally says is either "dad" or mom". I say that my boys said "dad" first and my wife says they said "mom" first. We'll know the truth in heaven! When they said to me "dad" for the first time, my heart rejoiced in a way it's never rejoiced before. Even though I'm also a writer, boss, leader, pastor, I'm not interested that they call me so. I want them to call me "daddy" for the rest of my life!

I think that our heavenly Father desires the same!

When Jesus came and prayed to God calling Him Father, and every time He talked to others about God, always referring Him as Father, this was something revolutionary and even blasphemous for many Jews (John 10:36), but not for His disciples. Maybe at first they felt a little uncomfortable, but when they saw the fruits of His life, they got convinced that Jesus knew what He was saying. That's why that they approached to Him once to ask Him to teach them to pray. Jesus agreed to do it, and THE VERY FIRST THING HE TAUGHT THEM WAS TO ADDRESS HIM AS "FATHER"!

"Lord, teach us to pray. Jesus said to them: When you pray, say this: FATHER" (Luke 11:1-2)

We have learnt wrong. We got used to address to our heavenly Father by His many titles, but not for the one He Himself urged us to use! (Galatians 4:6). The Holy Spirit inside you is not bearing witness that you are His creation, His servant, His property. Though we're all of that and more, He is bearing witness that we are His children! (Romans 8:16).

Just like that it wouldn't be normal that a little kid call his dad: "Oh great CEO!", "Powerful boss!", "Majestic Businessman!", it's not normal that we, HIS CHIDREN, don't see Him as FATHER above any other of His titles. Just like the correct thing would be that a child proudly says: "My dad is the boss of that great company!", the correct thing would be that we boast saying: "My Father is the Creator of the Universe, the Powerful Savior, the Redeemer of my soul, the Almighty!"

The Law made the Israelites don't see God as their Father, but Jesus got us close to the Father, made us His children, now we're part of His family! When you learn to call God "Father" from the bottom of your heart, I guarantee you that your prayer life, and because of that, your life, will change.

Hope it helps!

The Honor to be a Parent

Something we can highlight in the chapter 5 of Genesis is that, for God, the most important and transcendent thing in the life of every man mentioned there is the children they had. Realize that their achievements, victories and feats are not mentioned, only the fact that they had children.

Dr Edwin Loius Cole taught that this modern society honor, recognize and value achievements and titles: "the great and award-winning doctor in medicine with Phd in such prestigious university", "the recognized scientist with 5 different specialities discoverer of this radioactive substance", "this sport record breaker 8 times world winner", etc., but it doesn't honor, recognize nor value a good father.

Sadly, we invest a lot of time and energy to build a great name so we can be recognized and remembered for generations, but we don't give the due importance to the great privilege we have to be fathers or mothers.

How many of us remember our great great grandfather's name? I think just a few of us. How about our great great great great great grandfather's name? I think none of us. Why do we think, then, that we will be remembered? Why that stubbornness of magnifying our name when the only ones we should be great for is our sons and daughters?

The only name we should magnify is Jesus. If we do that, He will make our name great (Genesis 12:1-3), but even in that, do not get too excited, because it won't be forever. Besides, when Jesus magnifies your name isn't for the sake to make you known and that you may be gloried, but for making Him known and that He may be glorified.

Don't work for being recognized by society, but by your kids. Do not work to be great for society, but only for your kids.

To be great for your kids isn't hard: Spend time with them, listen to them, play with them, get interested in what they are interested in, know them. The only difficult part of this is that we have to put our selfishness aside, that desire to be highlighted over others, but its reward goes much beyond of that ephemeral satisfaction of receiving praises from others, because what you'll feel is the filling with the sense of permanent satisfaction, that sense for having accomplished your most important task entrusted by your heavenly Father Himself: to be His reflection before His son or daughter, because, after all, they never were ours, they just passed by us.

Don't you know how to be a good father or mother? Your heavenly Father does. He is more interested in helping you than yourself, because He loves your children more than you ever will, He know them before you do and better than you. Let yourself to be loved by Him, let yourself to be filled with His love, His words and His embrace, because remember, more than being father or mother, you're His child. That will be the best way to learn to be a good father or mother.

Hope this may helped you!

-----------------------------

For more good teachings for parents take a look to this link: Enseñanzas para Padres (Teaching for Parents). The teachings are in English and Spanish ;-)